I figured I would post about this because it is important to note that the journey to the country, to a farm, or land is not an easy one. I guess if it was, more people would do it (well, maybe not :)
It has been a few months now and we are still here, still stuck, and unsure of our next move. I am beyond antsy. I guess I had this timeline in my head of how everything was going to happen. But it is not happening that way, and it is frustrating. My gardening and farming books sit on the dining room table collecting dust and mocking me! I should put them away.
We had originally planned a move to a particular area (we'll call it "the homeland" for dramatics) where my husband's family lives. He has tried and tried and tried and nothing is coming up in the way of jobs. To make matters worse (if you want to call it that), he has a good job here and enjoys what he does, and is actually lucky to have it. So we try looking for properties here. But there are a couple of factors stopping us here. He already has almost an hour commute one way, and moving farther out to land would make a bad commute worse. (Although we did discover a country area that would be closer to his job than he is now, but it is far away from family.) But aside from this, I know this may sound ridiculous, but the main thing stopping us here is that everything about moving to "the homeland" feels right, but when we think of moving to somewhere in our current area, it just feels all wrong (as does staying right where we are). We feel like we are supposed to go to "the homeland" but we have no way of making it work. We are stuck. We have the luxury to say we are tied to a good job in a rotten place.
My husband described it as he sees where he wants to go, it is so clear there is no doubt in his mind. Even when he was there last week to try to meet people, find leads, etc. he knew "the homeland" is where he belongs. He can see it so distinctly, so clearly, but he has absolutely no way of reaching it. It is like a mirage in the desert.
It is frustrating because time is running out to make a decision. We need some permanence, we need to know where to put down roots. We can't live in this state of uncertainty much longer. We need to know where to build our lives. I am especially affected by this as a stay-at-home mom, because I feel like each day comes and goes, and I am in limbo, just waiting. I have no idea what to plan for, when to plan for it. Each day drags on and seems wasted.
I hope this will pass quickly, I hope that we will gain some clarity soon. We have discussed putting our house on the market just to take a step in faith and see where God leads us. I think we have to do something.
